Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Our son; our brother...

He hopped in the car from school....

"Ah Mom, I feel so different, like WAY different." 
"Mom, I'm not afraid to die. Every day I have been afraid to die. Now I'm really not afraid of anything -except doing sin." 

He wanted to call his Gma:

"Gma, I have some good news for you - that is last night I found out I am a believer." 

I'm loving the way he words it... 
"I found out..."
Timed, initiated by a Source outside of himself. 
Contingent on the work and will of Another.
The what? 
Faith. Belief. Assurance.

I hear, "It is finished."
The light has come. Shown. 
Darkness dispelled. 
Fear eradicated. 
Doubt distroyed. 

4+ years of deep questioning; wrestling harder with truth and doubt than I ever dreamed was possible for a young child. 

Tears of anguish over not knowing. 
Even there conscience stricken with truth that he could not trust in a prayer, a raised hand, or logical desire to avoid hell. 
We saw this drawing grace, affirmed the gospel to him, and prayed... 

Worn knees.
Dependent knees. 
Knees of strong hope. 
Deep questions regarding a fear of desiring God but not being one of His chosen. 
Even there belief firm in the doctrine of election. 
An unquestioning reverent submission evidenced. 
We saw this drawing grace, affirmed the gospel, and prayed... 

Last nights bedtime. 
Another round of questions and fears by the pajama-clad son. 
This felt familiar. 
The day had been long. 
The hero and I were both so tired. 
A son's heart is treasured above sleep, and so grace enabled lights burning late; patience. 

We shared gospel truth. 
Words which we can speak because The WORD came into our flesh to rescue. 
The exact words don't matter. 
They had been spoken many times before. 
They did not save. 

The WORD saved. 
The same Word which spoke into existence the universe, spoke light of understanding; 
ignited a grasping of Christ's glory by faith. 
Physical evidence was immediate. 
The relaxed facial muscles, 
the sigh of understanding. 
Words of response: 
"Oh I get it now. 
He wants me to want Him because He wants me. 
I'm going to bed." 

Sleep was long and sweet and morning revealed a new assurance. 
"I know I'm a believer because He made me want Him." 

The drive to school found him praying, "thank you Jesus for wanting me."

The return drive found me wet-eyed, rejoicing, eagerly relaying to the hero at his office desk... equally wet-eyed!

"For God, who said, "let light shine out of darkness," has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 
Oh happy day! 
Our son; our brother! 

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