Tuesday, February 25, 2014

...a hard stop for Grace!

cried at the dentist today. 
It wasn't the hygenist' fault. 
She was doing her job. 
Her own babies at home.

It wasn't her exacting words that slammed into me.
It was me. 
My failure. 
My failure slammed into me. 

[My Failure to understand that appointments must be booked just so.] [My failure to perceive that a bracket cannot be fixed when only a wire adjustment has been scheduled.]
[My failure to remind a 7 yr old about the dangers of pizza crust.]
[His eager hunger and years of habit had chomped into the tough bread; too tough for the delicate wires residing in his mouth.]

I sat there on a plush leather couch, my son stretched out flat nearby as new wires were fed into his mouth. 
I sat so aware of my desperate, constant,  inability. 
So clear, I could taste again my neediness. 
Absolute need.

But there was another truth. 
I preached it hard, silent. 
My hands of faith grasping, pulling, at the Steadfast Rock strong beneath my feet. 
I layed my weary cheek upon the cool, smooth presence of this Truth.

Ps 139. 

Not one single time will I sit down or rise from that particular leather couch apart from His knowledge, His ordaining, and His presence.
He is there with me. 
Every. Single. Time.

The hygenist didn't see my tears. 
She hadn't seen us since we arrived. 
Did I see her?
I asked God to help me see her. 

I found my voice and humbly apologized for my lack of clarity in booking the appointment. 
I told her it was kind of her to help us as much as she could. 

I saw her. 
Her hard day. 
Her longing to be somewhere else. 
Her need for a lavish, absorbing grace. 

As the words left my mouth, technology chimed. 
Some beeps and a chime. 
Two texts and an email arriving in harmonious succession.

I would not read them until later, but they arrived in THAT moment. 

She said: "Love you, sister. I pray this week is filled with belly laughs, "hard stops" for reveling in His grace and lots of "wow, I'm blessed" moments!"

Another said: "Hi! Hope your day is great! Nothing else. Love ya!"

From my FavoriteLove: "Hi angel - just thinking about you... So glad to just be coming home tonight!  How did your sm group go today?  Love you...~steve."

Words. Simple and profound at once.

They arrived in THAT moment. 
Together. Precise. 
A demonstration of Grace. 
A tender squeeze of His present-ness with me. 
A glimpse of His heart for my glory in Him! 

...a hard stop for Grace! 

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Two Paper Hearts..."A Good Chance"

He was confident, matter-of-fact, really with his request. 
His tone was the kind of casual
that is born out of
unreserved assurance in truth;
unhindered by doubt or fear. 

He wanted my input with a school project. 

"Mom, I have to do this project for school.
I have two paper hearts.
On one of them, I am supposed to write what I love about my family, and on the other one, you are supposed to write what you love about me.

I am thinking though...do you think you could write something about God on your heart, because I am supposed to read this in front of the whole class, and this would be   a good chance
for me to talk about God to my class."

This is not the first school project to evoke tears (nor will it be the last),
but the first to evoke tears of this type.... 

Pure gratefulness. 

And a redeemed outcast,
tax collector,
recorded our Lord saying this, 
"So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven." 
Matthew 10:32

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Our son; our brother...

He hopped in the car from school....

"Ah Mom, I feel so different, like WAY different." 
"Mom, I'm not afraid to die. Every day I have been afraid to die. Now I'm really not afraid of anything -except doing sin." 

He wanted to call his Gma:

"Gma, I have some good news for you - that is last night I found out I am a believer." 

I'm loving the way he words it... 
"I found out..."
Timed, initiated by a Source outside of himself. 
Contingent on the work and will of Another.
The what? 
Faith. Belief. Assurance.

I hear, "It is finished."
The light has come. Shown. 
Darkness dispelled. 
Fear eradicated. 
Doubt distroyed. 

4+ years of deep questioning; wrestling harder with truth and doubt than I ever dreamed was possible for a young child. 

Tears of anguish over not knowing. 
Even there conscience stricken with truth that he could not trust in a prayer, a raised hand, or logical desire to avoid hell. 
We saw this drawing grace, affirmed the gospel to him, and prayed... 

Worn knees.
Dependent knees. 
Knees of strong hope. 
Deep questions regarding a fear of desiring God but not being one of His chosen. 
Even there belief firm in the doctrine of election. 
An unquestioning reverent submission evidenced. 
We saw this drawing grace, affirmed the gospel, and prayed... 

Last nights bedtime. 
Another round of questions and fears by the pajama-clad son. 
This felt familiar. 
The day had been long. 
The hero and I were both so tired. 
A son's heart is treasured above sleep, and so grace enabled lights burning late; patience. 

We shared gospel truth. 
Words which we can speak because The WORD came into our flesh to rescue. 
The exact words don't matter. 
They had been spoken many times before. 
They did not save. 

The WORD saved. 
The same Word which spoke into existence the universe, spoke light of understanding; 
ignited a grasping of Christ's glory by faith. 
Physical evidence was immediate. 
The relaxed facial muscles, 
the sigh of understanding. 
Words of response: 
"Oh I get it now. 
He wants me to want Him because He wants me. 
I'm going to bed." 

Sleep was long and sweet and morning revealed a new assurance. 
"I know I'm a believer because He made me want Him." 

The drive to school found him praying, "thank you Jesus for wanting me."

The return drive found me wet-eyed, rejoicing, eagerly relaying to the hero at his office desk... equally wet-eyed!

"For God, who said, "let light shine out of darkness," has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 
Oh happy day! 
Our son; our brother!