Friday, April 18, 2014

Hebrew: "God has heard"

You don't have to study very far before you conclude that God's design of the human ear, both outer and inner, is one of the most intricate and compelling evidences of his magnificent power on display in creation! 
{if you want to really marvel, read this article: 
A distinguished ENT surgeon told me yesterday that, as of yet, medical science has not developed the ability or means to replace, construct, reconstruct or repair parts of the inner ear... 
He told me it has been attempted and researched for years without success.
{ I love that humanity finds its limitations, and the intricacy of God's creation eludes them....right there in that little mash-up of bones and cartilage!}

The extent of delicacy and the scope of imagination bound up in such a small space is astounding; all of the tiny parts working together to transform airwaves into electrical impulses which would relay sound. Thereby words are heard, voices are recognized, alarms are heeded, music is enjoyed, information is received, education is obtained... 

As creatures created to bear image of our Creator, we hear and receive communication. 
This Creator; He divinely choose to use avenues of spoken communication; speaking and hearing within triune fellowship; then to speak with soundwaves that echoed forth and called into existence the universe. 

His sound waves called forth this: 


And Gods voice called forth this: 
[handsome treasured son]


Psalm 139:13-16 
"for you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book was written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

God formed this kid- ears and all- and when he was born, during a blizzard on a first day of December, we named him "Jaydon Paul" , and wrapped him up into our little family with joy. 

In 2011, after countless bouts of reoccurring infection and hearing loss due to inner ear fluid, we were told that the hearing loss was not present only as a side effect, but that there was an underlying impairment.
Being such an intricate and elusive part of God's creation, there is not a test or scan that can reveal the exact cause for impairment. 
It was just there before us. 
On a scale of 1 - 100, his impairment was defined at 30.
Hearing aids were chosen, fitted and ordered.
Ear tubes were placed – twice – to accommodate the fluid retention in his eardrums.

It has been an adventure –
a good one – 
one we would never change or choose to exit.
It continues to unfold- 
It's direction, timeline, and outcome are known only within the perfect recesses of God's wisdom... His perfect wisdom! 
Unfailing and true! 

Yesterday, another chapter of Jay's adventure unfolded.
We did not expect the routine hearing test to result in anything other than a half-hour of waiting and freshly detailed hearing aids.
{They are like little vehicles that ride on your ear; needing a good polish and battery check periodically. The difference being, we de-wax rather than wax them;).}

Yesterday brought some harder news for Jay. His baseline hearing has regressed, and done so somewhat rapidly since the last test six months ago.
Where he has been around 30 on the charts, he is now listed at 45–50.
In addition, one of his ears drums has completely concaved in on itself; indicating a Eustachian tube without any function at all. 

Being such an intricate and complex aspect of God's design in the human body, there is no way for us to determine the exact cause of regression or to ascertain whether it will continue, and on what timetable etc.
If he were to continue on this pattern, all hearing capacities could be gone by his mid-teens. 


"The Lord is good to all, 
and his mercy is over all that he has made. 
All your works shall praise your name, 
oh Lord..." Ps145

Our God, our Hearing God -His intricacy does not stop with the untouchable anatomy of an inner ear, 
but the depth of his creativity reaches beyond our imagination and logic. 
That, in his divine sovereignty, he would create a little boy with imperfect hearing capabilities, and then allow that even those limited abilities may continue to slip away until they are gone.
Through the eyes of faith, we receive and acknowledge this as beautiful grace to be received; God's perfect design and purpose for our boy! 

On that snowy day when we called him, "Jaydon Paul"... 
God was at work.
Jaydon is Hebrew : "God has heard"
Paul of the NT penned these words surrounding ongoing suffering, 
"but he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2Cor12

We named a little boy who would grow  into weak hearing for a God who hears and an apostle whose weaknesses became strengths because of God's sufficient grace! 
From the beginning, mercy rampant!

In the nearest future, we have been referred to consult with an Otolaryngologist who works out of Fraedert and Children's hospitals. 
There is most likely a surgery in the near future to reconstruct the collapsed eardrum in Jay's left ear.
We will see Dr. Harvey on April 29 after we return from our spring break vacation.

Beyond that, we will walk this road with one step at a time in receiving as it  unfolds, and we covet your prayer support! 
We are desperate for God's wisdom to maneuver us as we walk alongside our son in his suffering and loss. 

Steve and I have wept and prayed together more than once in the past 24 hours... 
{ I am so thankful that parallel to God's perfect plans for Jay's ears, he has also perfectly handpicked Jay's father who will shepherd and love him well.}

Steven shared with me this morning 4 points of focus that God laid on his heart for us in moving forward. Would you please pray through these with us and remind us of them when we forget? 

1- Steve wants us to actively bank on God's promises fulfilled to us through Christ. To do so in ways that would be very visible and accessible for Jay. 
He wants us to lay a strong foundational pattern that God is the Fulfiller of every promise He has made. 
Our deepest desire for Jay is that the ears of his heart would be unplugged and respond fully to the sound of the Gospel.

2- Steve desires that we would cultivate a greater focus on Thanksgiving in the big and small, hard or easy ... bringing the kids along with us in that.

3- he wants us to pursue relational connection and enjoyment with Jay.
Being our middle child – he does get lost in the mix a bit already, and so there is room for a greater prioritizing of one-on-one times.

4- on a very practical level, we want to "help J hear" now.... Becoming more intentional about drawing his attention to the sounds he can hear now but may not one day. Birds, wind, waves etc.
Our voices, his favorite music... 


From Jay's perspective: 

His greatest concern, as of yesterday, is the anticipation of another surgery. This one will likely be far more uncomfortable in the healing process than he has yet experienced. He needs prayer for courage based upon an understanding of God ever present care and goodness.

He is very quiet and sober at the mention of how his ears have "gotten worse", but we are unsure to what extent he understands or comprehends the possibility of deafness. We are currently focusing on answering his questions in the timing he asks them. 

As J has grown, and runs in circles with older and older children, his hearing aids have garnered some hurtful attention and become something he says he "hates". 
Unlike the four-year-old who was just happy to hear better when he first received them, he now feels very different in wearing them.  We look for every opportunity to share the truth with him as this particular "difference" exposes layers of his heart, and yet we yearn for the Holy Spirit to actively drive the comfort of that truth home for Jay.

Thank you for reading this long post, 
for loving and unconditionally accepting  our son, 
and for praying for us! 
We are abundantly blessed! 
Look forward with us to this:

"then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, AND THE EARS OF THE DEAF UNSTOPPED; then shall the lame man leap like a deer, and the tongue of the mute sing for joy. For waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert… And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion was singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness enjoy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away." Is35

{Oh the crazy fun}



Tuesday, February 25, 2014

...a hard stop for Grace!


cried at the dentist today. 
It wasn't the hygenist' fault. 
She was doing her job. 
Tired. 
Her own babies at home.

It wasn't her exacting words that slammed into me.
It was me. 
My failure. 
My failure slammed into me. 

[My Failure to understand that appointments must be booked just so.] [My failure to perceive that a bracket cannot be fixed when only a wire adjustment has been scheduled.]
[My failure to remind a 7 yr old about the dangers of pizza crust.]
[His eager hunger and years of habit had chomped into the tough bread; too tough for the delicate wires residing in his mouth.]

I sat there on a plush leather couch, my son stretched out flat nearby as new wires were fed into his mouth. 
I sat so aware of my desperate, constant,  inability. 
So clear, I could taste again my neediness. 
Absolute need.

But there was another truth. 
I preached it hard, silent. 
My hands of faith grasping, pulling, at the Steadfast Rock strong beneath my feet. 
I layed my weary cheek upon the cool, smooth presence of this Truth.

Ps 139. 

Not one single time will I sit down or rise from that particular leather couch apart from His knowledge, His ordaining, and His presence.
He is there with me. 
Every. Single. Time.

The hygenist didn't see my tears. 
She hadn't seen us since we arrived. 
Did I see her?
I asked God to help me see her. 

I found my voice and humbly apologized for my lack of clarity in booking the appointment. 
I told her it was kind of her to help us as much as she could. 

I saw her. 
Her hard day. 
Her longing to be somewhere else. 
Her need for a lavish, absorbing grace. 

As the words left my mouth, technology chimed. 
Some beeps and a chime. 
Two texts and an email arriving in harmonious succession.

I would not read them until later, but they arrived in THAT moment. 

She said: "Love you, sister. I pray this week is filled with belly laughs, "hard stops" for reveling in His grace and lots of "wow, I'm blessed" moments!"

Another said: "Hi! Hope your day is great! Nothing else. Love ya!"

From my FavoriteLove: "Hi angel - just thinking about you... So glad to just be coming home tonight!  How did your sm group go today?  Love you...~steve."

Words. Simple and profound at once.

They arrived in THAT moment. 
Together. Precise. 
A demonstration of Grace. 
A tender squeeze of His present-ness with me. 
A glimpse of His heart for my glory in Him! 

...a hard stop for Grace! 



Thursday, February 13, 2014

Two Paper Hearts..."A Good Chance"

He was confident, matter-of-fact, really with his request. 
His tone was the kind of casual
that is born out of
unreserved assurance in truth;
unhindered by doubt or fear. 


He wanted my input with a school project. 

"Mom, I have to do this project for school.
I have two paper hearts.
On one of them, I am supposed to write what I love about my family, and on the other one, you are supposed to write what you love about me.

I am thinking though...do you think you could write something about God on your heart, because I am supposed to read this in front of the whole class, and this would be   a good chance
for me to talk about God to my class."

This is not the first school project to evoke tears (nor will it be the last),
but the first to evoke tears of this type.... 

Pure gratefulness. 

And a redeemed outcast,
tax collector,
weasel-turned-disciple
recorded our Lord saying this, 
"So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven." 
Matthew 10:32

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Our son; our brother...

He hopped in the car from school....

"Ah Mom, I feel so different, like WAY different." 
"Mom, I'm not afraid to die. Every day I have been afraid to die. Now I'm really not afraid of anything -except doing sin." 

He wanted to call his Gma:

"Gma, I have some good news for you - that is last night I found out I am a believer." 

I'm loving the way he words it... 
"I found out..."
Discovery. 
Timed, initiated by a Source outside of himself. 
Contingent on the work and will of Another.
The what? 
Faith. Belief. Assurance.

I hear, "It is finished."
The light has come. Shown. 
Darkness dispelled. 
Fear eradicated. 
Doubt distroyed. 

4+ years of deep questioning; wrestling harder with truth and doubt than I ever dreamed was possible for a young child. 

Tears of anguish over not knowing. 
Even there conscience stricken with truth that he could not trust in a prayer, a raised hand, or logical desire to avoid hell. 
We saw this drawing grace, affirmed the gospel to him, and prayed... 

Worn knees.
Dependent knees. 
Knees of strong hope. 
 
Deep questions regarding a fear of desiring God but not being one of His chosen. 
Even there belief firm in the doctrine of election. 
An unquestioning reverent submission evidenced. 
We saw this drawing grace, affirmed the gospel, and prayed... 

Last nights bedtime. 
Another round of questions and fears by the pajama-clad son. 
This felt familiar. 
The day had been long. 
The hero and I were both so tired. 
A son's heart is treasured above sleep, and so grace enabled lights burning late; patience. 

We shared gospel truth. 
Words which we can speak because The WORD came into our flesh to rescue. 
The exact words don't matter. 
They had been spoken many times before. 
They did not save. 

The WORD saved. 
The same Word which spoke into existence the universe, spoke light of understanding; 
ignited a grasping of Christ's glory by faith. 
Physical evidence was immediate. 
The relaxed facial muscles, 
the sigh of understanding. 
Words of response: 
"Oh I get it now. 
He wants me to want Him because He wants me. 
I'm going to bed." 

Sleep was long and sweet and morning revealed a new assurance. 
"I know I'm a believer because He made me want Him." 

The drive to school found him praying, "thank you Jesus for wanting me."

The return drive found me wet-eyed, rejoicing, eagerly relaying to the hero at his office desk... equally wet-eyed!

"For God, who said, "let light shine out of darkness," has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 
 
Oh happy day! 
Our son; our brother! 

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Failure or Adventure


Circumstances change. 
Numbers change.
Policies change.
What was so sure becomes impossible. 
The green glass lit from behind; signaling forward move, with a switch of electrical currant, flicks to red. 
Stop. 
No. Go.

Only One knows all; sees all; 
controls all.
Electrical currents only run because He spoke -
And there was light. 
Green? Red? 
He made those colors. 

Existence- 
my existence and where/how  it happens-
It belongs to Him! 
The WORD's word: 
"To HIM be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 

One of our greens flicked to red. 
Recently. Suddenly. 
School boards. 
The districts they serve. 
Policy changes. 
We look back and wonder? 
Did we plunge? 
Did we not listen or hear wrong? 
"to HIM be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."

A house bought- revamped- loved....
Made into a home.
A house that no longer provides access to the where God has called our seeking of education for our three gifts. 
A house - where we wanted to spend forever, but will likely boast a "for sale" sign once again. 
Is this a failure? 
"to HIM be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."

Right before that in the word:
"… the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 

There is One immovable Anchor.
One Unchanging!
There is a forever, never-gonna-leave, home.
It's not here. It never will be here. 
But it's coming. We will never leave! 

Failure? Or Adventure? 
A King wrote this: 
"oh my God, in you I trust; 
let me not be put to shame;… 
Indeed none who wait for you shall be put to shame… 
he leads the humble in what is right, 
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, 
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. ...
Who is the man who fears the Lord? 
Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. 
His soul shall abide in well-being, 
his offspring shall inherit the land.
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,
and he makes known to them his covenant. 
My eyes are ever toward the Lord." 
Ps25

With great hope and a sure confidence-
Open-handed following.
Failure free. 
We Schulzes Adventure On.... 



Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Little Servers

Two fellas.
Their jaws and lips aching. 
The pain med had been forgotten at home. 
She apologized over and over
because she felt horrible and kept imagining their growing discomfort. 
She's their mom and moms are supposed to be prepared.
She apologized again. 

Time moved along quickly; the comfort of a previous dose worn off, while little sister's gymnastics class seemed to stretch on forever. 

8 hours prior had seen them - 
the older courageously going first- 
take turns in the orthodontist's chair as brackets and wires were attached. 
Excited and terrified all at once. 
Their young understanding of God's trustworthy care sustaining them. 

She patted their legs now and then. (Maybe that was more for her own comfort than their's.)
They both hold more physical courage in their pinky fingers than she'll ever have!

No one -not even the orthodontist- knew they would be returning just four short hours later because two little brackets did not seal right. 
Their trustworthy Abba knew.
One fella braved the chair twice. 

Now finally returned home from all that the day held. 
New doses of med given.
They found her in tears. 
Sobbing. 
In the pantry. 

It was simple really. 
She had forgotten to buy bananas while at the grocery. 
That and there was the hard news with unfolding even harder implications. 
Daddy had heard first and told her. 
They had been praying a lot and waiting hard for several days.
They will be doing this for awhile. 

This was not the first time their "earth seemed to be moving into the sea" (ps46)! 
It would not be their last, but it was their now, and the tears had not fallen until the banana void was realized. 
They were falling now.

Enter grace! 
Rich and free and bulging with demonstration of His power-filled love!
Served up by young, but well equipped servers... 

One moved into action to finish sorting both the groceries (and the younger siblings) into their proper places, running his little sister her warm bath, and changing the laundry. 

The other rubbed his momma's sholders, offering tissue, set the dinner table, and prepared a salad. 

All this done with few words and interspersed with squeezes to silently remind her of their love. 
Their jaws and lips ached still. 
But the fellas moved outward towards her.

When the Hero arrived home, he was greeted by hot supper and laughter.
She was smiling, tears still fresh but now literal drops of humbled joy.
The brackets and wire were shown with the relieved pride of those who have been through a hard. 

There were still too few bananas 
and an "earth moving into the sea".
But there was grace. 
Rich and free. 
It's reminder strong of His might and sovereign ordaining. 

Served up -οικονόμος 
By two young fellas to their momma! 






Sunday, January 19, 2014

Οικονόμος χαρις

Stewarding Grace. 
Two words imbedded in the Word because THE WORD spoke them there. 
And here in my heart. 

"as each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."  
1 Peter 4:10

In Greek they look like this, 
"οικονόμος χαρις" 
and read like this, 
"oikinomos charis". 

I am oikonomos of charis. 
These words, first Greek, now English - 
are me. 
I am steward of grace because HE was oikinomos of charis first;
because the WORD became these words.  
He took on the form of a steward and bought me for the rich feast of His loving favour. 

"One entrusted with the care and duty of serving the Master's resources to others; resources of merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in faith; kindling their exercise of Christlike virtue."

They tell me this is what it means. 

I read words on paper; their purpose to define, wondering how the most radical and glamorous of loves can be housed in these common groupings of letters? 
These words, and it is! 
The most glamorous of loves housed here. 

Brought to the feast of His boundless love. 
Served on overflowing, never-ending favour;  facets and depths, 
innumerable. 
inexaustible. 
infinite. 
GLORY.

I partake by becoming oikonomos. 
In serving of His vast mercies to another, -many anothers -I am filled.
This is beauty. This is love. This is life. 
In the giving, the laying aside, 
the dying. 
This is where I live. I feast here. 
And I am filled. 

As the days flow in and evenings fade out. 
As the hard comes; aches, tears, and always the more dying. 
As laughter splits sides; hearts bursting under joy's full and glorious weight. 
Always it is there. 
The feast. The favour. The WORD.
The partaking by oikonomos of charis. 
Serving up favour! 

Stewarding Grace.